When Women Don’t Talk
Women talk more than men, it is a scientific fact. Studies have shown that women can talk 2-3 times more than men during an average day. Why then do we, as women, find it so difficult to talk about money?
Women have this amazing network. Just treat a woman wrong and see how fast the news travels in the “network”. Women look out for each other, it is part of who we are as friends, moms, sisters, and daughters. So again I ask, why don’t we discuss money and finances with one another?
When women do talk about finances it usually revolves around finding an item on sale, coupons, or how to save money. This is all fine and well, but it revolves more around household finances and not building wealth.
As women, we need to be talking about salaries and investing and how to make a shit ton of money. We need to discuss how to be financially independent and why that is important.
Statistics show that we will outlive our husbands, another reason we should openly discuss how we are planning for our financial future. We should talk about advocating for fair wages and saying no to tasks and jobs that don’t serve us.
We need to roar.
No one was born knowing how to do all this financial stuff.
Let me repeat that, NO ONE (MALE OR FEMALE) WAS BORN KNOWING EVERYTHING ABOUT MONEY AND FINANCES.
Your Money Story
Money is everywhere and it affects all of us. However, everyone thinks about it differently.
You may have been raised in an environment where women played small. They were quiet and didn’t contribute to conversations about income and budgets and investments.
Women played small by not questioning what a male told them about investing or asking for a raise.
They played small by justifying a lesser income or smaller salary. Maybe you heard a woman say,” I have the kids to take care of or this job is flexible or my spouse/partner has a good job so it is okay if I make “x amount”. Where “x” is significantly below industry standards.
It is time to STOP playing small.
It May Be Hard
Why is it so hard to talk about money? If you make a lot, be proud, if you don’t make quite as much, be yearning to learn how to make more and be open to learning from others.
Money offers lessons on risk, confidence, and happiness. These lessons have very little to do with how smart you are but rather with how you behave. Recognizing our money behaviors come from our lived experiences can be very eye-opening and liberating.
People do some crazy stuff with money, but no one is crazy. We all have unique lived experiences, which have shaped who we are, how we view the world, and how we make choices.
Consider the power of fear and uncertainty. If you grew up in poverty with the uncertainty of knowing if your family would have enough money to buy groceries and the fear of losing your home, this shaped you. Your view of the world and how you interact with it is vastly different than someone who grew up without these fears and uncertainties.
Life Experiences
Many of our interactions with money are based on our life experiences. Not intelligence, education, or sophistication.
These life experiences can shape your money views so deeply it may be hard to overcome, but acknowledging how your money views were shaped can be the first step in changing your behavior around money.
Talking about something automatically lessens the impact it has. We build things up in our minds but when we verbalize them we often discover they are not as bad as our mind made them out to be.
Open conversations are so important. We learn so much from open honest conversations with one another. Financial literacy, closing the gender wage gap, important financial information, advocating for ourselves as women in the workforce, and more. All of these topics can and should be discussed with our girlfriends.
Don’t let the discomfort of talking about money hold you back any longer.
Sex, religion, and politics are often talked about before money. That sounds crazy, but it is true.
We can be great resources to one another.
Okay, okay, I have convinced you that you need to talk about money and finances – but how?
Money Talk Nights
Host a monthly Money Talk Night with your girlfriends. Make it fun – have dinner and drinks (just not too many). Pick a different topic each month. Budgeting, investing, credit scores, paying off debt, saving, etc.
Tips for a Successful Money Talk night:
a. Comfort
Make sure the people you invite are comfortable with one another.
A judgment-free environment is key. Everyone has to feel confident that others are not passing judgment on their views, opinions, or actions around money.
b. Expectations
Set the expectations ahead of time.
Everyone should know ahead of time that you will be discussing sensitive subjects.
All participants should agree to confidentiality.
Everyone should understand the goal of the event is to talk openly and honestly. To
share true feelings and have those feelings acknowledged and perhaps gain some insight from each other.
c. Topics
Have topics ready.
Prepare a few questions or topics ahead of time.
Have questions be open-ended and not direct.
At the first gathering, keep the topic light and not directly about money.
For example, I’m curious how each of you grew up relating to money, and how that has
played into your relationship with money and your finances now.
Her First $100K offers some great icebreaker questions and like other difficult-to-talk-about subjects, keeping the conversation light can be helpful.
Example questions:
- What are the first 5 things you would do if you won the lottery?
- Are you more likely to spend money on your loved ones or on yourself?
- What does personal finance look like to you?
- Would you rather spend money on experiences or things?
- Who would you turn to if you needed financial help?
Having prepared questions can help get the conversations started.
d. Flow
Let the conversation flow.
Don’t try and steer the conversation.
As the host, get the conversation flowing and then let your guests steer the ship.
Since you are with friends – people you feel comfortable around, the conversation should develop on its own. As you build trust with one another, the topics can become deeper and more personal like budgeting and salary negotiations.
e. Question
Ask questions.
Be fully present and ask follow-up questions.
Ask for more details when needed.
Ask for another explanation if you don’t understand something that was said.
f. Openness
Be open to new perspectives.
Money touches every aspect of our lives and is often a source of anxiety or stress, or, on the flip side, joy, or even pride. Be mindful of others’ money stories.
Talking about money for a few hours one evening a month may not solve all your money problems, but it can be very therapeutic.
Conclusion
Opening up about our money strengths and challenges helps us to realize we are not alone and that we are all doing the best we can with what we have and know.
The more we learn, the more we can share and the better financial decisions we can make.
Stop being silent. Stop playing small. Stop holding yourself back.
Let’s ROAR!
